It gets closer every year, and today I have narrowly escaped the big 4 0 but I feel that it's closing in on me... I am not really sure what I am afraid of. I mean I am not 20, I can tell this by the underwire around my bra (crude form of anti gravity). And it's not that I am afraid of getting closer to death (because retirement comes first or at least it should). What I am afraid of I guess, is feeling old. I don't want to have pain where I didn't even know I had contents. I don't want to have daily discussions about my bowels. I don't want to walk like the hunch back of Notre Dame or have my meals mostly consist of small round pills. I do not want to have all of my visits with attractive men be by appointment, where I have to remove my clothing and they get to keep theirs on. I do not want to have my breast squeezed between two book ends once a year. I do not want a camera in my colon. I don't even want to think of any of this. It's clear that 40 is the stepping stone to 50, which is the stepping stone to 60 etc. etc. And I just want to stop it.
I even toyed with the idea of having another baby but then I decided that might make me feel old faster and I might get confused with a grandma. I don't want to look old either. I don't want gray hairs, wrinkles, sagging, dry skin, or reading glasses. I am fighting this all the way. Even if I have to get braces (on my teeth).
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