About Me

I am a captive caretaker of three small terrorists and an exotic petting zoo. I try regularly to sneak college courses so one day I can leave this place.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Stairs

The stairs, for most people, are a way to get up and down from each floor. But for KT it brings out the Munchausen. This girl cannot get from one floor to the next without yelling "OW!" You can almost count the seconds, usually it's 4. We have started timing it, after 4 Mississippis we all yell "OW" to see if we beat KT to the punch line.

Let's talk about eating.

Now for most of us eating is what we do when we are hungry or when something good is sitting in smack dab in front of us that we just can't pass up. But for one of my captors it's a sport. Every 20 minutes, like clock work, she says "I'm hungry." This has got to be one of the most annoying statements I have ever heard. So this is how the morning goes: KT gets up has a bowl or two of cereal. Then Jay comes down and starts his 4 bowls of cereal and just about the time the kitchen is getting cleaned up, she is HUNGRY! Now I forgot to mention that half way through that bowl of cereal she just ate she told me she was full and wasted the rest of it. So her stomach must be the size of a golf ball. She's all muscle and ADHD so while she was yapping away at her siblings during breakfast she just burned off all of her breakfast. I always say she just borrows food. If she could just talk less, move a little slower, eat a little more I think we could actually get up to 35 minutes between each meal.

Monday, December 29, 2008


For most of you who have small children you know getting them to bed is quite the task. It's actually a type of population control (birth control). You see by the 100th time you have redirected them to the bed and gave them a drink, a band aid, found the missing wubby, closed the blinds, confiscated the flashlight and adjusted the air conditioning the parent is then too tired to procreate.
However if you have traumatized children, you have to kick that up a notch. Bedtime for them can be scary because they just slowed down long enough for those disturbing memories to creep into their conscious mind. In order for them to stop the thoughts they busy themselves with all sorts of sleep avoiding activities. The following is a partial list of these activities but I bet some of you out there can help me complete the list: write with markers on their sheets, put gel makeup on their dolls and themselves, tie strings tightly around stuffed animals and clothes, stuff rocks and papers into their dresser drawers, pull clothes down from the closet rod and drape around the room, pat clay into the rug, put small toys into fans, and tear up tissues or papers into small pieces all over the floor. When they tire of this, or they run out of ideas, or they just plain pass out is when they go to sleep. For a fun activity: try looking around the bedroom the next morning and see if you can name the game, and if you are really good, see if you can name them in chronological order.

x mas break

I know now why the call it Xmas break. It's because of all the Xmas toys you end up fixing. Uggg.

Well small captors are dragging me off to the kitchen to perform nightly slave duties, I'll have to write later.

Slave duties have been completed. The small people are now engaging in their nightly, watery destinking ritual. Thank goodness they are habitual about this, otherwise the lot of them smell like wild deer.

A little History

Ok so I was feeling left out because everyone else had a blog but me. So now I have one. I feel down right important now. Just a minute I am being paged by my small captors.........

Ok they have finished tormenting me now with their tirades. Let me tell you about my small captors. First of all I have Violet...who is no shrinking violet, she is 8 going on 28. Next is KT short for Katrina the terrible (like the hurricane) she is also 8. And last but not least Jay 10, who is the less tormenting then the others. KT and Jay are adopted from the foster care system so we have had lots of fun things to work through...more on that later. I am married to JP, who is also a captive, he however is allowed to leave everyday. I am not sure why he comes back, you would think he would go for help. But no, he has accepted his lot in life and continues to provide the captors with food, clothing and fun. It's obviously Stockholm syndrome. JP will need much deprogramming when they finally abandon us.